When I think about it,
time is all that I have.
I find it hard to use words 
unless it is in a story, like this one.
My heart beats faster than it should,
I've been told. 
I feel this heavy tension on the top of my head.
Maybe like a weight of some sort, pushing down on me
Trying to force me to fall
Painting these words are making me shake 
inside I am a red velvet rose, layered and layered by thick glass walls
and i shield myself with laughter
I smile like its my last one
because time will not wait for me to build
and i need time to do so many things that i wish i could do all at once
i want to feel like everything means something again
i have a few items on my list
but i want more than just a few
because my smiles easily turn into frowns,
i only smile on special occasions
like for "good morning's" at 8:30 in the mornings
or "have a goodnight's" at 5:30 in the evenings
and its hard for me to hear myself outloud
because I know i really don't mean them


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